Back to New York

10/24:
Wow, these past five days in Sweden have gone by so fast I've barely been able to absorb what's going on, along with the emotions that come along with it... I woke up and did my breathing exercises and then I meditated with my mom. She has a postcard tarot deck and I got these three cards:

I interpret this one as Pele, Passion and Power erupting...

...with Love...

...and Laughter...

...and protecting myself from danger and fighting the challenges that come up with grace and ease.

I was also really touched because my mom gave me this gold heart necklace with a pink diamond, that was given to her by her mother:

We went out for lunch around 11:30 AM in Liljeholmen. I finished packing when I came home and my mom and I had time to cuddle and cry for 15 minutes before Carina came and drove me to the airport. So emotional and hard to leave... Carina and I enjoyed connecting on the way over. Once I checked in, I had dinner and made sure to eat one of these chocolate balls (on my Sweden bucket list):

The flight was about 8 hours and uncomfortable, as flying always is, but it was still a good experience flying with Norwegian Airlines - they were friendly, they filled up my water bottle several times with a good attitude, I got free food (how rare is THAT nowadays??), it was warm so I didn't even have to wear a jacket, I watched two movies ("The Fault in our Stars" and "Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates" again) and listened to music. I sat in the middle of the airplane between two people, which is unusual for me. I tried to think about what the plus side was, and realized it's that you get more chances to get up and pee when the other person goes. If you sit by the window you have to bother people all the time and if you sit by the aisle you have to BE bothered. I'm always baffled at how little water most people drink and how seldom they seem to need to use the bathroom.

Once I arrived at 8:30 PM (NY time), I had complications with my phone. I switched the SIM card back to my American one and apparently my account was now suspended for some reason. I couldn't get a hold of my main contact with T-Mobile or work it out with customer service right then and there, and had to be on hold for a long time, and just wanted to get to the hostel, so I paid $60 for a new SIM card that is good for a month...

The trip to the hostel took almost two hours... I took the air train from JFK, and then the subway. There was a nice older man who had just flown from Paris with Norwegian, who started talking to me and looking at a map and voluntarily helping me with directions. Then I kept asking other people until I found my way. The subway system was more complicated than I expected. There were so many places they didn't have an elevator or escalator, so I had to pull my heavy suitcase up the stairs. Luckily people were friendly enough to help me with it.

I finally made it to the Bowery House hostel around 12:30 AM (6:30 AM my time) and there were yet even more stairs! They really need an elevator there with so many travelers coming and going... I had to drag my suitcase up several flights of stairs to the 2nd floor to check in, then back down to the 1st floor to my room, which was a tiny cubicle with a bed and a nightstand and just enough room for my suitcase. Somebody was snoring really loudly next door, so I wore earplugs. Nothing like my cheap fancy hotel room in Madeira ;) At least they had WiFi.

The men's bathroom was on the same floor, but the women's bathroom was on the 2nd floor, so to get up and pee at night I had to go all the way upstairs. The bathrooms were pretty nasty. For $70 a night, I think it was a bit overpriced but hey, that's New York...  especially booking last minute. I just laughed at the experience and was happy to finally lay my head down. Then I woke up with energy after four hours... jet lag... Since I'm already jet lagged and will continue traveling I'm not too concerned about getting into a routine with my sleep. 

I am trusting more and more that everything works out exactly as it is meant to... even if I don't know exactly what that looks like.

10/25:

I was able to fall back asleep for a couple more hours in the morning, which was nice. The showers are actually great at the hostel, the bathrooms were cleaner today, and there was also a small bottle of water by the bed which was generous. The staff is very friendly. I'm so happy I have my own room (even though it's small) and and don't have to share with strangers. It's my first time staying at a hostel. This feels a bit like camping.

At 10 AM, I asked the receptionist if she recommended any good places for breakfast and she said "The Butcher's Daughter" a couple blocks away. So I went and it was a very hip and healthy place. I got some hot water for my Chinese herbs too. The city felt too overwhelming, so as soon as I was done eating I went back and locked myself in my room and breathed and centered myself.

Then I went back out again to hunt for lunch and water... New York is too crazy, noisy and busy - I really kind of hate it. It's good for bringing you out of yourself though. And it was pretty cold and windy. It feels kind of like some sort of "robot land" where everyone rushes around with a blank look on their faces. After a lot of wandering around searching for a good place to eat (and checking out the fashion in the stores on the way), I bought a big portion of falafel and rice for only $5, that was enough for lunch and dinner, and found a Whole Foods nearby the hostel where I bought snacks and water for my room. After I went home and ate and did my nails, I felt more grounded.

Around 5 PM I took the subway (getting more familiar with the system) and had to do a lot of walking in the cold to get to the Broadway Dance Center to take Yanis Marshall's class at 6 PM. I'm not really equipped for this weather since I was borrowing warm clothes in Sweden. The class was so much fun and I'm so happy I did it. It was the first time I took a dance class since I got sick and the nice thing is my little injuries have all healed too during the break. Fresh start! I could watch Yanis all day. The class was Intermediate/Advanced so it was a little hard to keep up, especially since my brain is not as used to picking up choreography anymore, but it wasn't as hard as I expected. It was really fun to wear my new heels. I was reminded of how much ego there is in the dance world and seeing how much I've grown after being so ego-driven with my dance and searching for approval from others and myself and perfectionism.

I wanted to take an Uber home so I didn't have to be out in the cold, but had complications because my new phone number was not updated on my account so I couldn't contact or locate the driver. So after two failed attempts, I gave up and just walked to the subway and took it back to the hostel. You would think the subway stations would be closer to each other, but they're quite far apart. I was very happy to return to my little cubicle safely and I was so tired and jet lagged and went to bed at 10 PM. But hey, I did it!

10/26:

I got a full night's sleep. Sore from yesterday's class. Felt like I was starting to catch a cold... Good thing I'm going to an island tomorrow and that my hubby will be there. I put on more layers of clothes and got creative and used my sarong as a scarf. Took tons of immunity boosters and a hot shower. At noon I went to visit my mom's friend, Carman Moore, a composer. I took the subway and ended up at Lexington an hour later because the Google map directions were inaccurate. Apparently there are three different kinds of subways in NY. I called Carman who told me I was on the wrong side of town and needed to take the bus, but it seemed way to time consuming and complicated, so I took an Uber to Columbus Ave for only $6. Much better. When I got to his place I met his guests, a Danish singer and a Danish film composer. They were preparing for and organizing a "Transformation Festival" for this coming weekend. Carman had a massage chair, which I was very happy to have the opportunity to take advantage of, while he played me some of his compositions.

Then the four of us went for a walk in Central Park. It was nice to socialize a bit and be in nature.

The ride back on the subway was confusing because they skipped my stop, I think because they were doing construction there. So I went too far and had to figure out how to get back. The good thing was that I got to see the Statue of Liberty through the window. I found a cheap and healthy place on the way back to the hostel and got a smoothie and tofu salad to eat in the lobby. They were showing a scary movie, "Child's Play" on TV that I got sucked into watching. Then I went to bed at 8 PM because I needed to get up at 3:30 AM the next day to catch my flight.

The U-Turn Back Home

10/19:
Back in Sweden in the intellectual energy. I feel like I woke up from a dream or trance and got my brain back. My husband and I decided randomly to meet in Puerto Rico on the way home, so we spent literally all day calling and texting and booking flights and Air BnB. Challenging with the time difference, so when he was sleeping I was doing research and vice versa. I didn't even get dressed or shower until the evening, just sat on the couch in my PJ's since the moment I woke up. Funny, I was listening to Christina Aguilera's song "Infatuation" yesterday on the plane and she sings "Let him take me to Puerto Rico" and now we're going there!

I also planned and booked my trip to New York and leave on Monday already. Luckily I feel strong enough after the pneumonia to make the long journey back home and can walk quickly with a backpack no problem. I did so much internal work when I got sick and now that the body is catching up and reminding me of what it feels like to be physically strong again, I feel invincible and so appreciative of my health and spiritual growth.

10/20:
Took it easy today. Feels good to be back in a more familiar country before I continue traveling. After being on an island, Stockholm is a good warmup for NY, since it's a smaller city. Did my breathing exercises, watched "Friends" with my mom in the morning, we both took naps, went out for sushi and meditated with the Quakers for 30 minutes. So freakin' cold and grey! Happy to be getting out of here soon...

10/21:
Started the day watching "Friends" again. 

In the evening my mom and I went for a walk and I went to Liljeholmen and bought a new pair of shoes for the heels dance class I'll be taking from Yanis Marshall in NY. 

Then I went to the Blues Jam at Sankta Clara in Gamla Stan, but turned out it was more of a concert than a jam and it was too packed and stuffy, so I left and prioritized getting some more quality time with my mom.

10/22:

I went to a Quakers "Follow Your Life Path" workshop from 10 AM-4 PM. It was a really good experience. In the beginning I felt a little insecure around the people because I didn't know them and I was young in comparison. But once we started doing the exercises and opening up about our dilemmas, problems and life philosophies I felt more connected. I love how they incorporated so much silence, meditation and listening and slowed things down. We ate and worked together as a team in silence together, creating a feeling of unity and community without having the pressure to say anything, and allowing everyone to stay in their own contemplative internal state.

In the evening (the other) Isa came over for dinner. We had such a great time, the three of us, sharing stories about our travels. She's so inspiring - she's only 22 and takes any job and travels all over the world and goes for whatever she feels.

10/23:

I meditated in the morning for 15 minutes, then spent a lot of time booking my flight to go visit my best friend, Nicole in Santa Barbara after Puerto Rico. Unfortunately all the flights stopped in the East Coast, which is ridiculous, so I have to fly to Philadelphia first and it will be an 11 hour flight. Boo! The whole point of me stopping on the way to Maui was to not have to fly so much at once. Oh well... All the flights to Maui from Puerto Rico are the same way.

I vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom and then went to visit Anders and Jill to say goodbye since I'm leaving tomorrow. We had dinner and watched a short film called "The Egg", a philosophical movie about life and death. In the evening my mom and I watched "Friends" and ate pie.

Ribeira Brava, Madeira

Here's a video to sum up my week in Madeira:

10/11:
Woke up five minutes before the alarm at 3:50 AM and my heart was pounding. I had 20 minutes to catch the night bus and I made it. Felt such a feeling of freedom - I was finally doing it! Facing my fear... After so many months of patience, research and figuring out where to go, and years of feeling the desire to impulsively travel on my own to an unknown place and follow my gut, it was the perfect time to spread my wings. Coming out of the cocoon. It felt like a death and rebirth after the pneumonia - feeling pretty much back to normal after 8 weeks, and appreciating my strength and health and testing my boundaries. I predicted I'd be well enough to fly around the 10th and I was right. 

While on the bus, this old song from the Eurovision Song Contest in 2001 started playing on the radio:

"Listen to your heartbeat
It will take you higher
Follow your emotions
I know you'll get stronger

Listen to your heartbeat
Your feeling will guide you
Hold on to devotion
I know it's inside you"

 

Pretty suiting for this time of growth in my life.

God, I should've listened to my mother and borrowed her smaller suitcase on wheels... my backpack was so heavy... The whole concept of "backpacking in Europe" I just don't get. Why the hell would anyone want to carry everything on their back? So much walking in the airport and I was worried about my stamina after pneumonia. Stupid of me.

The check-in went really smooth and I arrived way too early, 1.25 hours. Darn, so tired...

It was a 4.5 hour flight and I watched a movie called "The Intern". It was nice to see all the Swedes so happy to be going on vacation and getting away from the cold. Everyone applauded when we arrived :)

Once I landed I was in awe. The psychic that gave me a reading before I left Maui, pulled a card with a picture of an island and said, "You're going there!" and Madeira actually looks pretty much like the picture! I think I even recall there being white birds on the picture... there is something really special about watching the birds here - just a feeling of freedom and beauty.

I took the shuttle from the airport 40 minutes and was accompanied by an English couple.

I had lunch right outside the hotel and the menu was in Portuguese and the guy hardly spoke English, so I ordered the only thing I understood what it was: tostas (toast).

Oh. My. God!!! I have fallen in love. I literally feel like I am in love and dreamy. I feel in love with myself and very content with my own presence. Sensual and enjoying every second. ♡♡♡ The temperature is very pleasant, chillier than Maui, but warm in the sun and very windy. I love the Cheerfulway Bravamar Hotel and it is better than I expected, I cannot get enough of the ocean view from my window (which I am very happy I paid a little extra for!), the people are so warm and calm. The ocean... The expansive open feeling...

View from my room

I took the longest shower ever when I got to my hotel room and enjoyed just wasting the water without having to think about it being anyone else's or my own, that I have to pay for. So nice to be in my own space and not think about anyone else, after having lived with people for 4 months. Staying at a hotel you get to have the freedom of an adult and the irresponsibility of a child. I enjoyed a really nice dinner with great service and walked around to familiarize myself with what was nearby in the town of Ribeira Brava. I learned the most important word in Portuguese: "obrigada" ("thank you") and giggled every time I said it. Nighttime was breathtaking too. Nice to have the window open in my room and hear the ocean and the sounds from the town. The moon was in my sign, Aquarius.

I sat in the lobby in the evening (since there is no WiFi in my room) and blogged and bragged to all my friends and chatted with people at the hotel. There were a lot of Swedes since it was a Charter flight.

 

Of course we as humans automatically think, "How can I hold on to this feeling? Move here... get a job here..." I didn't want to leave. But everything is temporary  - you just have to enjoy it. 

10/12:

Only got about four hours of sleep for some reason, so I was really tired but thought it would be boring and a waste of time to be sleeping in my hotel room, so I went and had breakfast at the buffet (which wasn't that great) and then went out to the ocean. The water was pretty warm actually!

I walked around town and ran some errands and bought a big jug of water and fruit from the supermarket right around the corner. Walked inside this beautiful church:

The exciting feeling of newness was already starting to fade (sucks being human), but I still loved it and started feeling more at home. I absolutely love that everything you need is walking distance from the hotel and the ocean is right there. The people are so friendly, innocent and cute and even if we don't speak the same language, we do our best and somehow manage to get the message across and giggle if we don't. I am seriously thinking about staying longer. Unfortunately it's supposed to rain the rest of the week and thunder/lightning next week.

I felt my immune system was fighting something, so I rested deeply but didn't fall asleep. I went to the pharmacy to get some Vitamin C and immunity boosters. I ate some really good garlic fish and chips at Restaurante Concord and was accompanied by Paulo's connections who were super friendly and open. Luckily they had some time off from work because of a death in the family, so it was perfect timing. They're going to take me walking in the mountains tomorrow. The daughter, Susanna works on a cruise ship... the psychic said I might get a job on boat... hm...

I watched the sunset from my window, took a long bath in the evening and shaved my legs for the first time in two months since I got sick, haha! I could get used to this... not having to cook, clean, pay utility bills or transportation/gas/car insurance. Everything you need is walking distance.

10/13:

It turned out to be the hottest most beautiful day even though it was supposed to rain! I slept in, ate this incredible huge mango for breakfast, had lunch at the same restaurant as yesterday and went to the beach and swam in the ocean. It was pretty cold, but refreshing! I didn't hear from my new friends, so no hiking in the mountains.

10/14:

Didn't sleep that well again... must be the full moon. Another beautiful sunny day, except the rain finally came in the afternoon which was actually really nice, cozy and romantic. I tried a new restaurant by the ocean, which was terrible and they were rude. I won't go back there... I managed to get some sun on the beach before it started raining and then put on some music and took a bath. Went out to get some more groceries and tried the fish soup at my favorite place. Nice on a rainy day... Feeling more grounded here now. Went for a sunset walk by the ocean, then spent the evening dancing and singing in my hotel room.

10/15:

Super tired today... been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night, going to bed around 11 PM and waking up around 3 AM... Maybe it's the noise from outside my window? I'm going to try earplugs tonight and see if that helps. I did my breathing exercises, went out for lunch, took a little nap and went out for dinner. 

10/16:

I finally got a good night's sleep, even though I woke up a few times. Used earplugs. Stormy today!! It finally happened... we were lucky the good weather lasted as long as it did. There were safety warnings to not go anywhere because of possible rocks or floods from the mountains. Hurricane Nicole - 1776 miles from here...

Hung out in the lobby and my hotel room and danced, sang, watched TV and worked on my needle-point.

Luckily I had some leftovers from last night that I could have for lunch. The weather cleared up in the evening so I was able to go out for dinner.

10/17:

I was a nervous wreck today trying to decide if I wanted to stay longer or take the return flight home tomorrow. I hate making decisions under pressure. It's all a blur honestly. I lay down on the bed and it felt like the room was spinning. I took an anxiety pill which helped. In the evening I finally decided to leave the next day.

10/18:

At the airport in Funchal. I got up at 8 AM and packed my things and got the receptionist to order a shuttle for me at 10:45 AM. I returned the fork and knife I borrowed from the nice waitress at Restaurante Concord, had a little breakfast, jumped on the bed and sang, enjoyed my gorgeous view, walked by the ocean and was on my way. Ciao Madeira, you majestic dreamy fantasy island of love ♡♡♡ Obrigada