The Road to Recovery

9/17:

Woke up finally feeling inspired to start planning my Southern Europe trip, so I did a bunch of research. I've had so much resistance to the planning process, but now the restlessness of being in this apartment and the weather getting colder is starting to motivate me. It was sunny, but I thought it was too chilly to go outside, so I stayed inside and worked on my needle-point and started drawing a picture of my cousin for his birthday next weekend. In the evening I made a delicious dinner, we finished the movie and I walked down to the store for my mom.

9/16:

I challenged my stamina to walk all the way down to Winterviken and back and I made it! A little bit of progress every day. My mind felt sharper too. I walked through the allotments and admired the flowers, plum trees and apple trees.

Watched the ducks and lay on the bridge by the water and listened to music. Swedes were still swimming in the cold water even though it's the end of September...

The sun was out, but I got a bit cold so I took a bath before bedtime. My mom and I started watching "As Good As it Gets" with Jack Nicholson.

9/15: 

Slept until 10 AM, which was nice! I meditated and did some gentle stretching. It was a beautiful and warm day, so I tested my limits and walked down to Aspudden and had lunch at Manhem's Café and then walked over to see the animals in the park. On the way back up the hill I felt weak/tired and had to take it really slow. In the evening we watched a nice touching movie with Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth called "The Last Song". 

9/14:

Only got 6 hours of sleep again, but started the day by doing a month's worth of laundry at 8 AM for four hours. It was a lot of work, especially since I had to run up and down the stairs to the laundry room. Also cleaned the bathroom and took a shower. Felt so nice to have clean clothes again after having to wear the same clothes for weeks and hand wash my underwear! My mom and I went for a walk and then watched "The Giant Mechanical Man", which was a very sweet and simple movie.

9/13: 

Only got about 6 hours of sleep, but I didn't take a nap. Had enough energy to vacuum! (The apartment was so dirty because we had both been too sick to clean). We got a ton of food delivered from the store. Watched "Joy" (inspiring for strong, independent women), worked on my needle-point, went for a walk with my mom and watched "Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates" which was so funny and it was nice to see so much of Hawaii in it. 

I had a lot of energy (probably because it was almost the full moon and it was in my sign) so I didn't fall asleep until about 2 AM.

9/12:

Meditated with my mom in the morning and ate a fruit salad with lots of blueberries and black currants.

Took a long nap until 2 PM, worked on my needle-point and listened to music. Later on I went out to get us some sushi and stuff at the grocery store. I was able to climb stairs and walk pretty fast without getting exhausted! Yay!!

9/11:

I slept all night, but kept waking up and tossing and turning. We started the day by watching "Friends". Did not take a nap but I worked on my needle-point and listened to Britney = happy! I also read a little bit out of "A New Earth" by Eckart Tolle, a book my dad gave me for my 18th birthday. My mom and I went for a slow walk later on and saw that same cute cat and a deer. Deer is a symbol of peace, a reminder of our innocence and the fundamental need to be nurtured/protected, and a sign to leap far and wide into our dreams.

9/10:

Finished the NVC book! I highly recommend this book and believe the world would be a better place if everyone read it. It's the first time I've read a book in years! Then I started reading "Möt din Rädsla - från medberoende till frihet" ("Face to Face with Fear - from codependency to freedom") by Thomas Krishnanda Trobe. This process I'm going through is not only a "healing process", but a "liberation process". Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want? Where do I go?

I only got 6 hours of sleep, so I took a nice long nap. My mom and I went for a walk and picked more apples and met a sweet cat.

We watched "Up in the Air" (which I've seen before several times before) and I gave my mom some healing.

I am slowly getting stronger by the day. I guess the lesson here is patience. I still keep getting this angel card repeatedly: "Take it Easy ~ You don't have to rush anything or force things to happen. Everything happens exactly when it should".

9/9:

Slept a lot and read. No coughing! My mom went to the hospital again because she's not noticing much of an improvement (luckily it turns out she's ok) and I stayed home and watched an interview with Max Martin (my favorite song writer) and played the piano and sang, even though I barely can right now and it's probably not good for my voice to be pushing it. I just love being home alone! I feel so free.

9/8:

Had an easy-going day and rested a lot. Barely coughed. My mom and I went for a little walk to the cliffs (like two slowpokes) which was really nice and peaceful and we picked apples. We watched "Legends of the Fall" which was really great and moving. I usually don't think Brad Pitt is hot, but he sure was in this movie! I liked the opening quote in the beginning:

"Some people hear their own voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy or they become Legend".

9/7: 

My mom and I meditated in the morning. I felt a bit restless and impatient, so I went outside and had enough energy to walk (about 10 minutes) to the cliffs by the apartment buildings and lie down. 

The weather was beautiful. At 2 PM Carina stopped by for a couple of hours. It was nice to have some company. In the evening we looked at old photo albums and watched "Philomena" which was moving. It was based on a true story about a mother who was forced by Catholic nuns to give up her baby for adoption because she had sex without being married, then tried to find her son 50 years later, only to find our he's dead and the nuns lied and prevented them from finding each other. Stupid Catholics. Religion can cause so much suffering.

9/6: 

Minimal coughing today and more energy, but took a nap in the day. Only two more chapters left of the NVC book. My mom and I watched "Good Will Hunting" and I really really loved it! I saw it in the theatres as a kid in 1997, but of course was too young to understand anything (9 years old). I never liked a Matt Damon that much, but after this I'm kind of a fan! RIP Robin Williams, you were a marvelous actor.

9/5:

I stopped taking that strong cough medicine last night, so I had more energy and I still got about 10 hours of sleep. I dreamt that my husband was driving our car in Maui and I was in the back seat cleaning out junk. To dream that you are cleaning indicates your ability to make situations more positive and to solve pressing problems. You are learning how to replace pessimistic views and beliefs with those that are more uplifting and pleasurable. This can suggest your desire to seek inner peace and enlightenment.

My mom and I watched "The Black Stallion" in the morning and while she was resting I watched "The Secret Life of Pets" (there were some funny parts, but overall I didn't like it that much). Obsessed with Ariana Grande, especially her new song, "Side to Side" (listening to it on repeat!). No nap today.

I sat outside for a while and painted my nails and in the evening we got another delivery from the grocery store.

An abundance of fruit!

9/4:

Another day of sleeping and practicing non-doing/just being. After all, we are "human beings", not "human doings", right? My mom and I watched "Like Water For Chocolate" and hated it. Really loving Britney Spears new album, "Glory" though!

9/3:

I dreamt I gave birth to a daughter (on the bed) and named her Tallulah. Dreaming of birth usually symbolizes new beginnings, ideas or projects and that a spiritual aspect to your life is about to unfold. Sometimes bringing something new into your life can be a painful process. It brings good luck if you are married.

For Carl Jung dreams about birth were important because they represented a stage in the ‘individuation’ process. Put simply, this is the growth of the human psyche to maturation and wholeness and personal psychological development.

Rested most of the day and around 4:30 PM I took a shower and took the bus to Liljeholmen to pick up my mom's antibiotics and do some grocery shopping. I was gone for an hour. My first time out since the hospital 10 days ago. Man, that took a lot of energy! I felt like I was moving and thinking in slow motion. I was still coughing, but not as much. I put on a pair of pants I hadn't worn in a while and realized how much weight I'd lost.

9/2: Slept until 11 AM! (That's 12 hours of sleep). Felt so nice - I've been getting a lot of sleep lately and have been taking this strong cough medicine before bed that is classified as a narcotic, so it makes you tired. This is so good for me - my whole life I've been like "go, go, go!" and "busy, busy, busy!" (even as a kid). Always working on something and being such a good girl. It is such a good challenge for me to do practically nothing, allow myself to waste time, allow myself to do things just for fun, allow myself to just take it easy and relax... Thank you God, for always giving me exactly what I need, when I need it.

I watched "Zootopia again", I thought it was THAT good :) My mom went to the hospital and she has pneumonia too in her left lung and has to take antibiotics for 10 days. I watched the Pentatonix tour on Netflix while I was home alone.

9/1: Low energy today and slept a lot. Finished the butterfly on my needle-point project and watched "Fresh Prince in Bel-Air".

8/31: The sun is shining, I can breathe, I feel grateful. Last day of antibiotics! Happy I am strong enough to take care of my mom and myself. We watched "Fresh Prince in Bel-Air" and "Zootopia" and Carina stopped by in the evening and dropped off some groceries. I loved "Zootopia"... so inspiring about following your dreams and not letting anyone or anything stop you and also everyone getting along despite our differences!

8/30: Doing better! More energy, not running out of breath as easily, I can take deep breaths without coughing or feeling pain... The doctor called and said they got the test results and they prescribed the right kind of antibiotics for that type of bacteria. My mom wasn't doing good though... We watched "Clueless" (my favorite movie growing up) and "Brave" in the evening.

8/29: Rainy day... Feeling stronger, no fever, breathing a little easier, still coughing up mucous, feeling tired (but not as tired), achy... I had enough energy to watch "Once" in the daytime and read without taking a nap and took a shower. In the evening we ordered groceries delivered to our door. There was no way either of us could go to the store. So happy Anders told us about that option! I made dinner in the evening and my mom and I stayed in separate rooms to avoid germs.

8/28: Now my mom got sick with the fever and a cough... uh-oh! Luckily, I was just starting to feel strong enough to cook a little, so I made us fruit salads and a big soup. We watched "Friends" and "13 Going On 30" in the evening.

8/27: Felt a little better... Fever continued to go down to almost nothing and I could breathe a little easier and yawn a bit and was sweating less. Still coughing up a bunch of mucous, had body aches, a headache, was bedridden and ran out of breath easily if I got up. We watched "Under the Tuscan Sun" in the evening and I loved it and felt inspired to go to Tuscany.